Nancy and Kim

Nancy and Kim waited 18 and a half years to say their vows. They met in 1995 at Indiana University but did not end up becoming partners until the following year when they were both going through breakups—Kim with a long-term female partner and Nancy with a man she had been dating. Nancy told Kim she could use her couch for two days while she found another place to live. But it soon began to dawn on them that it was going to be more: Kim explains that "I realized then that this relationship, this person was the person I was supposed to be with. The one who would help me be a better me."

The rest, as they say, is history. 18 years of it, before Indiana would legally recognize them. Meanwhile, they built commitment and connection in their own way: in the first few months they had what they call their “first commitment,” voluntarily choosing to go to relationship therapy at the very beginning in order to “be intentional.” They chose to live together and chose to be together every day, learning and growing from their mistakes and choices.

Nancy and Kim were paying attention to national movements. One day they heard of a case in Ohio where a couple's marriage in New England had been recognized; then they talked to lawyers and friends and determined that they could not get married as they would like in Indiana; then they waited again. Even though many of their friends told them to go to Massachusetts or elsewhere, they chose—intentionally—to be married in Indiana.

For Nancy and Kim, their politics were donating money, signing petitions, going to protests and writing emails to legislators. Then, in a sudden shift, the same-sex marriage ban was suddenly lifted on June 25, 2014. Always so intentional and purposeful together, when they heard the news, they had no intention of getting married—they didn't even know where to go to do it! Little did they know the entire Bloomington community would conspire in their favor.

Little did they know the entire Bloomington community would conspire in their favor.

A few hours later, they showed up at the courthouse, just to get their marriage license, and saw Reverend Mary Ann Macklin of the Unitarian Universalist church outside marrying people. Rev. Macklin swept away their protestations about just getting a license, and declared that they had no idea how long this would last, so Nancy and Kim, caught up in the history, turned and rushed into the courthouse.

It took more than Rev. Macklin though, it took a whole village; the courthouse stayed open late for them and other couples, patiently explaining what was needed on the application and how to do it; then they rushed outside, were married by Rev. Macklin and were rushed back inside; then it was on to the post office, which also stayed open late to ensure the marriages would be signed, sealed, and in the mail.

The whole town of Bloomington kept their doors open late for the sake of marriage—and a good thing too, because just two days later, the entire state was ordered to stop allowing same-sex marriage by another court.

This story repeats itself in a similar way a few years later, when the Supreme Court finally handed down the decision in United States v. Windsor. Nancy, full of joy and excitement, ran into her Nancy’s classroom, broke it up, declared the news, and kissed her wife to the applause of the students.

When asked about how marriage was different for GLBT people, Kim points out that most heterosexual couples do not think about the rights and privileges they get just for being married. Nancy comments that for so many older same sex couples it is an intentional and purposeful thing, but they both speak to the common human language of love:

Kim, to Nancy: "I appreciate your playfulness, your willingness to be intentional, helping me to not be so afraid, helping me to say what to ask for help. You're understanding.”

Nancy, to Kim: " I appreciate your openness, your willingness to try new things… I love your commitment, your advocacy, your patience, your understanding, and your sweetness when I am struggling."